at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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