I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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