If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
