it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
