Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
