your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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