Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
