my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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