My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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