I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
