i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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