So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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