we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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