Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
