...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
