God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need water and some morals
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
