dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
