people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
