Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
