Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
