I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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