Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
