On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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