man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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