what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So many bounce houses so little time
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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