I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
