5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
