i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
