you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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