addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
