i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
