I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
