Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
