Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
