she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
