I am puke
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
