my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
