How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
