No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
