sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
