He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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