You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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