We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
