If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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