fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
