if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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