we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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