I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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