Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
