I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
