i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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