when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
