I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
